I was standing at the city rail,

Where I found a poem in a bag,

It was wriggling on platform fifteen,

No ticket or I.D. tag.

Opening the bag as I lifted it up,

The poem jumped out on my knee,

It sat for a while, so I gave it embrace,

And it whispered, “I yearn to be free”.

I set it down softly on the Moonee Ponds line

And it travelled North on the rail

It travelled away, never heard of again

Save for a note in the mail.

Critique by Alexis Ingram

This poem has a whimsical and humorous tone, aligning well with its placement in the comedy section. Here are some aspects to consider for further refinement:

1. **Imagery and Vivid Description:**
The poem could benefit from more vivid and detailed imagery. Enhance the descriptions to paint a clearer picture of the scene and the poem’s journey. This would make the humorous elements even more engaging.

2. **Consistency in Tone:**
While the overall tone is light and comedic, there is a hint of sentimentality with the line “And it whispered, ‘I yearn to be free’.” You could choose to either embrace and develop this sentiment or maintain a consistently comedic tone throughout.

3. **Pacing and Flow:**
Consider refining the pacing for smoother flow. This can be achieved by adjusting the length of lines and stanzas. The transition from the poem sitting on the speaker’s knee to being set down on the Moonee Ponds line could be made more seamless.

4. **Closing Lines:**
The ending is abrupt, leaving the reader curious but also somewhat disconnected from the story. You might consider adding a punchline or a clever twist to bring the poem to a more satisfying conclusion.

5. **Clarity and Specificity:**
The reference to the Moonee Ponds line might be more impactful if there’s a specific reason or detail tied to it, adding an extra layer of humor or significance to the setting.