Sunset Fishing Lady perched upon a pontoon and
Looks toward the burning sky as the very last
Breath of daytime whippers into the face of the cool night.
She looks above the water, flat, still, glass like, where
Insects lift and leave tiny shock waves which grow and
Reach across the water to spread to where some fish may bite.
The line lays long and leaning along the incline leaving up
From the wet and reaching to the end where her soft
Hands feel for any moment, any murmur on the line.
Lithe and small she stands and waits while the sun
Finally lost behind the edge of the day and the earth
And then gives way to early stars and a rising moon on time.
Silent air surrounds her and she might think her steady breath
Is heard by all the world, for it alone is all she hears.
Changing feet for comfort she shifts her weight and waits for not one
Moment in time, her destination is her journey and for
The time being, being timeless is what matters and that moonlight
Fills her hands and tomorrow she can exchange it for some sun.
Grant Fenton 31 May 2011
Image source: Pinterest
Critique
Critique:
This poem, titled “Sunset Fishing,” paints a serene and contemplative scene of a lady fishing at dusk. Here’s a critique:
Strengths:
- Imagery and Atmosphere:
- The poem excels in creating vivid imagery and a tranquil atmosphere. Descriptions of the lady perched on the pontoon, the burning sky, and the insects creating tiny shock waves over the water immerse the reader in the scene. The shift from daytime to moonlight is well-crafted.
- Flow and Rhythm:
- The poem maintains a smooth flow and rhythmic quality, contributing to the contemplative mood. The use of enjambment effectively connects lines, allowing the reader to experience the unfolding scene in a continuous and flowing manner.
- Symbolism and Theme:
- The symbolism of fishing at sunset, transitioning into moonlight, creates a deeper layer of meaning. The lady’s journey, both physical and metaphorical, is reflected in her patience and the changing elements around her, emphasizing the theme of being in the moment.
Considerations:
- Clarity in Imagery:
- While the imagery is generally strong, there are instances where the language could be refined for clearer visualization. For example, “where insects lift and leave tiny shock waves” might benefit from a more specific description of the insects’ actions to enhance the clarity of the image.
- Exploration of Emotion:
- The poem successfully captures the external scene, but there’s an opportunity to delve into the internal emotions of the lady. Adding a touch more insight into her thoughts and feelings during this tranquil moment could deepen the connection between the reader and the protagonist.
- Consistency in Theme:
- The poem introduces the idea of the lady exchanging moonlight for sun tomorrow, which adds a layer of anticipation. Ensuring a seamless integration of this theme throughout the poem and potentially expanding on its significance could provide a more cohesive narrative.
In summary, “Sunset Fishing” effectively creates a serene and contemplative atmosphere through strong imagery and rhythmic flow. Refining clarity in certain descriptions, exploring the internal emotions of the protagonist, and ensuring consistency in the theme could further enhance the overall impact of the poem.
Inalienable Write 