You are open, white, willing,

The waiting, flashing, light-emitting

Quiet, your hands move sweetly and soft

And your hips move so befitting.

Your neck and shoulders like the overflowing cup

And I would drink with full intemperance

While feeding on your eyes of fire filled hazel

My soul locked, hypnotised in the hemp trance

And you sweet Olivia, fluid, flowing like the ocean,

As though you were written like cooling summer water

Shining as I read you in the shimmering pond,

I dive in to sink with Verzen’s daughter.

Critique by Alexis Ingram 

This poem presents a vivid and sensuous exploration of desire and attraction, with a subtle reference to the Dutch word “verzen” meaning verses. The language used is rich and evocative, creating a palpable atmosphere. Here’s a critique:

**Strengths:**

1. **Sensual Imagery:**
– The poem excels in creating sensual and vivid imagery, particularly in the descriptions of the subject. The use of terms like “flashing,” “light-emitting,” and “hips move so befitting” adds a layer of sensuality, engaging the reader’s senses.

2. **Metaphorical Language:**
– Metaphorical language, such as describing the subject’s neck and shoulders as “like the overflowing cup” and referring to the eyes as “fire-filled hazel,” adds depth and metaphorical richness to the poem. These metaphors contribute to the overall sensory experience.

3. **Rhythmic Flow:**
– The poem has a rhythmic flow, and the choice of words contributes to a smooth and flowing reading experience. The pacing is well-maintained, enhancing the overall sensuous atmosphere created by the poem.

4. **Cohesive Theme:**
– The poem maintains a cohesive theme of desire and attraction, with a subtle allusion to the Dutch word for verse (“Verzen”). This connection adds a layer of complexity to the poem, inviting readers to consider the intertwining of language and desire.

**Considerations:**

1. **Clarity of Reference:**
– While the poem alludes to “Verzen’s daughter,” the reference might be more impactful with additional clarity. Connecting the reference to the Dutch word for verse directly with the themes of desire and attraction could enhance the depth of the poem.

2. **Variety in Language:**
– The repeated use of adjectives like “sweet” and “like” throughout the poem, while contributing to a certain rhythmic pattern, might benefit from some variety. Exploring different descriptors and avoiding repetition could add more layers to the imagery.

3. **Expanding on Metaphors:**
– While the metaphors used are effective, the poem might benefit from expanding on some of them to provide a more detailed and immersive experience. For example, delving deeper into the metaphor of the eyes being “fire-filled hazel” could add complexity and nuance.

In summary, the poem successfully creates a sensuous atmosphere through vivid imagery and metaphorical language. Enhancements could include further clarity in the reference to “Verzen” and a slight diversification of language to elevate the overall richness of the poem.