The quiet road lay out before me, and all around

The moonlit land drank the darkness like a thirsty child.

The ancient trees reached up from the blackening ground

And the quiet road lay silent, seeking mercy and mild.

Off in the distance, the sun glowed hot and then

On the horizon, it’s yellow light became red

Out there in the sunken sky, like yesterday again

And the moon rose from it’s gentle bed.

There while time was silent, long after and long before

Trees ran hands across the road to hold their shadowed leaves,

Beast and man passed underneath there to Herman’s Shore

And prayers were paid, thank God for all that he receives.

Through the sunlit leaves, a velvet butterfly swirl,

The sun passed across the golden yellow day into the horizon bled

Warm and generous dusk laid upon the day like a love filled girl

And the moon rose from it’s gentle bed.

Critique by Alexis Ingram

The poem, inspired by Herman Gorter, beautifully captures the essence of nature and time, creating a vivid and contemplative atmosphere. The imagery and language employed effectively convey a sense of quietude, the passage of time, and the cyclical nature of existence.

Strengths:

  1. Imagery and Atmosphere:
  • The poem opens with evocative imagery, portraying a moonlit landscape that “drank the darkness like a thirsty child.” This vivid image sets a contemplative and serene tone, inviting the reader to immerse themselves in the quiet road and the surrounding nature. The portrayal of the moonlit land and ancient trees creates a rich visual landscape.
  1. Temporal Reflections:
  • The poem adeptly explores the passage of time, referencing the sun’s journey from hot glow to red light on the horizon and the moon rising from its “gentle bed.” These temporal reflections, combined with the mention of Herman’s Shore, nod to Herman Gorter’s exploration of time, nature, and spirituality in his poetry.
  1. Cyclical Nature:
  • The repetition of the line “And the moon rose from its gentle bed” serves as a refrain, reinforcing the cyclical nature of days and nights. This repetition enhances the sense of continuity and rhythm, echoing Gorter’s interest in the eternal cycles present in nature.
  1. Subtle Spiritual Undertones:
  • The reference to prayers being paid “to Herman’s Shore” introduces subtle spiritual undertones. This may be interpreted as a homage to Herman Gorter, infusing a sense of reverence for nature and a connection to the divine. The gratitude expressed in “thank God for all that he receives” adds depth to the poem’s spiritual dimension.

Considerations:

  1. Consistency in Tone:
  • While the poem generally maintains a contemplative and serene tone, there are moments where the transitions between images and ideas could be smoother. Ensuring a consistent tonal flow throughout the poem would strengthen the overall reading experience.
  1. Further Exploration of Gorter’s Influence:
  • The poem draws inspiration from Herman Gorter, and while there are subtle references to Gorter’s themes, a more explicit exploration of Gorter’s influence on the poet’s perspective could deepen the connection between the two bodies of work.
  1. Structural Considerations:
  • The poem is composed of quatrains with a regular rhyme scheme, contributing to a sense of symmetry. However, experimenting with the structure, perhaps varying the stanza lengths or rhyme schemes in certain sections, could add dynamic variation to the poem.

In conclusion, the poem admirably captures the spirit of nature and time while incorporating subtle references to Herman Gorter. With attention to tonal consistency, further exploration of Gorter’s influence, and potential structural adjustments, the poem could offer an even more immersive and nuanced reading experience.